Letting Go of Ettinordic to Become More Me
I’m scared. My chest is tight. Anxiety is bubbling up inside me.
As an inner alignment healer who has been doing healing work since 2003, I know exactly what I need right now: to hold space for myself, to heal.
But instead, I started cleaning my wardrobe—organizing my mind, avoiding what I knew would help me the most.
Until suddenly, I felt my higher self guiding me to process the anxiety through writing.
So here I am. Writing.
Being vulnerable.
Am I “healed”? No. Healing is a lifelong journey. But I have walked pretty damn far from where I once was.
Why am I scared?
Because I’m about to make a big business move. Well, big for me.
I’ve decided to let go of the Ettinordic brand name.
I know, I know—you might not see why this is such a big deal yet. But let me explain.
I started Ettinordic years ago, first in my mind, then officially as a company. The name is deeply personal. “Etti” comes from my beloved grandmother, Esteri, whose name inspired my own, Essi. “Nordic” represents my roots.
But over the past five years, I’ve been on an intense, deeply personal healing journey. I have spent countless hours, days, weeks, and months pretty much only looking within—peeling back the layers of my old identity.
– Healing my deep fear of rejection.
– Releasing unworthiness.
– Letting go of anxious attachment.
– Awakening my kundalini energy.
– Reconnecting with my feminine power.
– Rebirthing myself.
And now, after all those intense moments of shedding the old, things around me are shifting.
Am I “healed”? No. Healing is a lifelong journey. But I have walked pretty damn far from where I once was.
And my boyfriend sees it most—he constantly tells me how much I’ve changed, how I’ve become a secure, more confident, and fully present woman.
Because, I have stopped rejecting myself.
And day by day, I (still) become more visible to him, myself and others. Just as I am.
With that visibility, I’m daring to take bigger risks.
The new realization that changed everything
I have had many breakthroughs during this journey. Each has felt like the beginning of a NEW ERA. Because after each breakthrough, I have taken big steps.
The most recent one? I deeply realized that I was running my business from a wounded child mode.
Ettinordic had been an unconscious safety net—one I had needed to get where I am now.
But now I see it not as safety, but as a shield. A way to hide.
And you know what?
I no longer want to hide.
I want to be seen.
I want to own my name.
Essi Koski-Lammi.
I feel tears in my eyes as I write this. Sadness, yet freedom.
With every tear, I feel lighter.
I am experiencing a new kind of freedom—one I have never felt before.
I feel naked.
Is this what true vulnerability feels like?
No shield to hide behind. Just me in front of you.
Allowing myself to be seen.
Look at me.
I didn't get here alone
I didn’t get here alone. So many healers and coaches have already seen me being vulnerable. Because you cannot do this type of transformation alone. And you don’t even need to.
These healers and coaches have been supporting me, pushing me, holding space for me. And I have been holding a mirror in front of their faces, helping them transform too.
And then there’s my boyfriend.
The one who stood by me through my wild kundalini awakening.
Through the moments I struggled with attachment in our relationship.
Through the dark phases of letting go of my old self.
Eternally grateful to him
and all those people who have been there for me.
I feel naked. Is this what true vulnerability feels like? No shield to hide behind. Just me in front of you. Allowing myself to be seen. Look at me.
I’ve changed in ways I never thought possible
I am a new person – yet the core of me has stayed the same. Here are a few ways I have transformed..
– I went from being afraid to talk about spirituality to sharing it openly.
– I went from being stuck in the corporate world to connecting with my purpose and starting a business. I don’t anymore feel like I’m not following the right path. Or that I’m not living my purpose.
– I went from fearing difficult conversations with my partner to having them with love and calmness.
– I went from not setting boundaries with strong businesswomen to standing firm in my truth.
– I now stop people if they are talking to me rudely.
– I went from fearing group discussions to speaking up and started owning my voice.
– I went from being scared to talk about what truly matters to me to having my first public speaking gig.
– I went from constantly worrying about rejection to realizing—if someone rejects me, that’s okay. I will survive. And not just survive. I will thrive.
And now, I am stepping out from behind another layer.
What’s next?
If you want to follow my new era, you’ll now find me on LinkedIn and Instagram under @essikoskilammi.
If you’ve only been following my @ettinordic account, I encourage you to switch over to @essikoskilammi, as I will be closing @ettinordic Instagram account.
My interior design studio will continue in instagram under Studio Ettinordic—just like now.
My website will transform from www.ettinordic.com to www.essikoskilammi.com.
Oh and guess what just happened?
I stopped crying.
This writing—this moment of release—was exactly what I needed to heal.
The anxiety transformed into calmness. Into inner peace.
And most of all,
I am proud of myself and the long, transformative journey I have walked.
Proud of the fact that I walk my talk.
Every single day.
What is that talk you ask?
True transformation always begins
within.
Heal with me for a sec.
Find a moment to pause and turn within: what aspect of you wants to be free?
As always, I’m here for you, when you are ready to transform your life.
The Authentic Success Column
In the Authentic Success Column, Essi Koski-Lammi shares her honest reflections on the journey of business and life, exploring the struggles and triumphs of being an entrepreneur and pioneer. Through raw insights and personal experiences, she discusses the challenges of balancing personal growth, professional success, and the pursuit of fulfillment. Essi delves into the realities of building a business while staying aligned with one’s true essence, creating spaces that nurture clarity, well-being, and success.
Essi Koski-Lammi
Essi Koski-Lammi is an Interior Designer, Intuitive Healer, and Inner Alignment Coach with over 20 years of experience in energy work. She guides purpose-driven women and businesses to reconnect with their authentic essence through inner alignment coaching, strategic business channeling, and conscious interior design. Essi’s mission is to create harmony and beauty in both inner and outer spaces, allowing clarity, success, and well-being to flow naturally.
