How to support yourself during life transitions
Ironically, I have studied a diploma course in transitional life coaching but only was truly able to understand how to deal with the life transitions, when I was going through three transitions in one go! 1. Starting a new relationship 2. Moving to the other side of the world 3. Leaving my old career and starting my own company. Wow. I have been blogging about my process of decision making and how to prepare for the change and now I want to offer the help that I had to find myself during the process to heal the dark emotions that came to the surface.
After making my decision(s) to change the direction of my life, packing my things, moving countries I was full of energy and ready to start from the fresh page. That was the moment I hit the rock bottom. I felt mentally, emotionally, and physically ill. I was not able to do anything. Even the tiniest decision such as “what shall I make for dinner” was way too much for me to decide. I was in shock and could not believe it. I was stepping into living my dream life, so why was I crying so much? Why couldn’t I get up from the bed? I noticed I had lost my laugh. Nothing was funny. Nothing. My digestion was haywire. I was just a ghost of my past self. I was mourning my past life.
I started reading more psychology and spiritual articles on life transitions, as I was questioning if this all was normal. I learned that every transition in life meant “a loss of something” and leaving something behind meant uncertainty, as you were facing something that you were not familiar with. This was the same for both positive life transitions (something that you have wanted) or sudden negative transition (an unexpected job loss, for example). I learned that all the transitions and changes are following a similar pattern from shock to being comfortable. I understood that I had to go through the loss to celebrate the new beginning. I understood that I had to take a holistic healing journey that focuses on my mind, body, and spirit. All of this understanding made me push myself for my self-healing journey with the following steps:
1. Take time to face the emotions
I made space in my life to sit quietly and experience all the emotions I was feeling. I found a very quiet beach nearby, that I visited daily for 2 weeks. This was a place where I could just stare at the horizon alone with no distractions.
2. Face the emotions with acceptance, mercy and let them go
Face whatever comes up. Accept it. Have empathy towards yourself. Have mercy towards you, others, and the emotions. Then let go. If you struggle to let go, remember that the negative emotion does not need to be there. You are just comfortable with it and scared of the new unknown that will take over, once the negative emotion has been released. Once you have fully let go of it, you will know. As you have moved on.
3. CRY
Crying is always good! It cleans emotions and allows stuck feelings to come out. I cried a lot at the beach and home. A LOT. During the anxiety peaks, when my past hurt, past behaviors came to the surface I felt as if I was dying from all the emotional pain! It was scary. The more I allowed myself to cry, and face the fears, the more I understood that every cry made me feel lighter and that I could survive this terrible anxiety attack I was having. Soon it was so much easier to face my emotions.
4. FIND BALANCE
As you go through ups and downs, finding balance within is important. You can do this with yoga and meditation, gardening, or any activity that makes you mindful.
5. Create a routine
It is good to have some sort of routine during the transition as that will bring you a sense of accomplishment, security, and comfort. It can be anything from scheduling eating time for every day to starting your day with meditation. I did yoga teacher training during the transition, which created a daily routine for me as I had to show up to our class daily.
6. Surround yourself with friends and family
Have a network of loving friends and family around you and talk to them openly about your experiences.
7. Take care of your energy. Visit a healer for Chakra and Aura cleansing, Soul loss healing etc.
I stopped counting how many energy healings I did for myself and how many healings I received from my dad. I was daily clearing my chakras, aura, past lives and connecting with my spirit guides. I was doing soul healings, shamanic journeying, power loss healings, cutting energetic cords. I know I am blessed that I had these tools within and near by, but for those people who don’t practice energy work, I would strongly recommend you to take care of your energy and spirit during these emotions by visiting a trusted healer.
8. Set expectations with your partner and hold yourself responsible for your emotions
This was something new to me (as I was in a new relationship!). I realized I had to set expectations with my partner. I openly told him everything that I was going through and what I needed from him. I told him also that I was working on myself and approx how long that would take. I apologized to him if I had blamed him for some of my feelings, as I knew that it was all only about me. I kept him with me on my journey but made sure that during the hardest times, I would do the work myself and only asking his support and hand-holding.
9. Have a healthy and clean diet
Diet is a bigger part of this process than people think! As inflammation creates and increases depressive/negative thoughts and lowers your energy levels, you should eat a clean diet that heals inflammation in your body. My diet has been already for sometime plant-based with organic ingredients, but I started to face some old gravings during the transition phase. Me and my boyfriend made sure that I would stick with my healthy diet and my daily celery juice, as every time I ate something unhealthy, I started to feel even more bad and down.
10. remember to do sports
Get yourself moving, I know it is not easy! I know you might need to push yourself, but I will promise that you always feel good after doing some exercise.
11. see a life coach or a therapist
Always search for help from professionals if needed. It is one of the bravest and most loving things you can do!
It took me about few months of intense work on myself to feel healed - but remember that the amount of time is different for everyone. One day in my meditations my spirit guide symbolically took away the black (funeral type of) costume I had been wearing the past months and dressed me up with colorful clothes. He told me that my mourning time was done.
Essi Koski-Lammi
Essi Koski-Lammi is an Inner Alignment Coach, Intuitive Healer, Channeler, and Interior Designer who started studying energy work and life coaching over 20 years ago. Now, she helps New Earth Creators create a conscious lifestyle to find their way home to themselves and unleash their true nature for life without limits. In her approach, she also brings her interior design skills into play, helping her clients create a home aligned with heart and soul.
